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Dreams reflect Antonio's journey of maturity and the milestones he encounters. In Rudolfo Anaya's Bless Me, Ultima, the protagonist, Antonio, is a little boy growing up, and, at times, is learning what it means to be 'grown up'. As the summer with Ultima, a curandera, unfolds, Antonio must make the trek of life and learn about himself and his future, in his own way. With the guidance of Ultima, Antonio can make good decisions from which he can learn, but in the end, the gumption to make and act on decisions comes from himself. When Ultima is not there for Antonio, his dreams are a reflection of the decision-making process and the end results thereof. The most immediate milestone for Antonio is that of his future. To Antonio, his future lies in either his mother's or his father's wishes. Most believe that he will follow his mother's wishes for Antonio to become a priest. However, Antonio's father will not give up on him, and believes that he has the wild Marez blood in him. Poor Antonio is living in a paradox, as his parents could not be more different people. In Antonio's first dream, he witnesses the birth of a baby [himself]. The families there are his mother's and father's, and this dream epitomizes the struggle between the families. His mother, Maria Marez, whose maiden name is Luna, believes in the stability of farming, of staying in one place, and in having a quiet nature, the Luna characteristics. When her family comes to see the baby [Antonio], '[t]hey entered ceremoniously. A patient hope stirred in their dark, brooding eyes." (5) They are people of the earth, rooted to one place. Antonio's father, Gabriel Marez, is a man of the llano (open range) and a vaquero (cowboy), who can hardly bear to stay in one place and in his case, only dreams of moving westward, and beyond borders. When his family comes to see the baby, "…the silence was shattered with the thunder of hoofbeats; vaqueros surrounded the small house with shouts and gunshots, and when they entered the room they were laughing and singing and drinking." (5)
Then a fight ensues over the afterbirth, as its fate determines the fate of the baby. The Lunas want it to be buried in the earth, while as the Marezes' want to cremate it and spread it across the llano. The fight escalates, until finally the woman who delivered the child [Ultima] ceases the fight and declares that only she will know the destiny of the child. In the years to come, Antonio feels that he must obey his parents, and loves them so, thus, he must suffer through deciding upon his future with two yearning parents. As the story continues, Antonio is pulled from side to side, in trying to find out his destiny. When Ultima comes, she helps him to find peace in this struggle and for himself, Antonio finds it in his dream He recognizes his mother who says that he is saved because he was baptized in the 'water of the moon', but Antonio's father interrupts her to say that it is not true, but rather, Antonio had been baptized in the 'salt water of the sea'. In his dream, Antonio cries out for someone to reveal the blood-water that runs in his veins. The waters rage with his agony. Then Ultima calls the waters to be calm and explains that the water in the sea came from the moon, and in turn, the water from the moon came from the sea, in a cycle. (10-11) In the end, Antonio discovers that he can peacefully exist as both a Marez and a Luna, coexisting as one in himself. With Ultima's guidance and the dream he had, Antonio had resolved a milestone for himself.The second most prominent conflict is Antonio's loss of innocence. This is a major transition for Antonio, as it is an important step in maturity for everyone, everywhere. In this dream, he follows his brothers to Rosie's house. There inside, he recognizes a forbidden sin, and refuses to enter, as he is to become a priest. His brothers assure him, however, that he will find himself at Rosie's, with her girls, as that is the way of men. Then Eugene and Leon enter, but Antonio begs his brother Andrew not to enter. Andrew agrees not to enter Rosie's house until Antonio has lost his innocence. Antonio insists that his innocence will stay with him forever. Then he hears his mother cry that he already has begun to lose his innocence. The priest says that Antonio will be innocent until he understands and that he will understand when he takes the communion. Distraught, Antonio asks "…where is the innocence [he] must never lose…" (71). Ultima points out west where he was born and says that there his innocence lies. "But that was long ago, [he] called. [He] sought more answers, but she was gone, evaporated into a loud noise." (71) (70-71) Antonio's loss of innocence creates another dilemma as Antonio feels that his mother will be very disappointed, and, as he wants to please his mother, he feels badly for his quest of maturity. Antonio questions how he will keep his innocence as he grows up, or even if he will be able to. This transition, for Antonio, is just the start of the pinnacle of his worst milestone yet understanding the faith he had been taught and why it continues to fail. Through his religious faith, Antonio learns of his natural progression of maturity. He comes to understand the feeling of injustice from the murder of Narciso and the death of Tenorio. In his dream, he pleads that God wreak vengeance on Tenorio and forgive Narciso, but God merely laughs at him, saying that there cannot be a forgiving God and a discriminatory one. Then he learns the difference between a chauvinist God and a maternal, sympathetic Virgin Mary. In his dream, the Virgin Mary comes to Antonio in his moment of agony to offer to forgive everyone, in order to resolve his dilemma, but Antonio refuses it, as doing so does not punish Tenorio. When Antonio's brothers sin, once again he is put on the spot as to whether he will fulfill his mother's wishes that he become a priest. He cries out that he cannot, and then his faith begins to crumble before him. In the end of Antonio's dream, the Golden Carp swallowed the world and everyone lived inside him as he swam along. (17-6) With this dream, Antonio then comes to understand how to live with pagan ideology and Catholicism, and is at peace with his newfound discovery. In his last dream of this story, Antonio confronts his doubts about religion once again as he dreams that everything Catholicism has taught him is deteriorating, and the Golden Carp has been speared. When Antonio asks what is left, an omnipotent being replies that there in no heaven nor hell. Then Antonio turns for Ultima's guidance and finds that Tenorio has killed her "night-spirit" (44), and thus Ultima. This is a foreshadowing of what is to come. At one point Antonio cries out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!" (44), just as Jesus Christ had, his last words before he died. (4-4) From this dream, Antonio has learned that he can go on, maturing, without Ultima's help, and that the journey must continue. Antonio's summer of dreams with Ultima has ended and with it, he has learned much about himself. The dreams in Bless Me, Ultima are analogous to what is occurring to Antonio as he grows up so much in a short time. With Ultima's guidance and his own discoveries and thoughts, Antonio grows up to learn about growing up, and ultimately, about becoming his own person. He has learned to live with his mother's and father's wishes jointly, as one, and with his own outlook. For Antonio, his dreams, rather than being actual milestones or goals to be reached in his life, are reflections of the milestones, and essentially, the journey upon which he had embarked to learn about being himself.
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